Welcome to my attempt to live fully and honestly, to sing out the song of myself, to truly know who I am......

.....either that or the ramblings of a barely coherant, tired out mum of two!!

Friday, 24 September 2004

They Are Our Future

Every time I read about children being misused I get angry. Children are so vulnerable - they believe pretty much whatever you tell them and they learn from imitating those around them. So what are we teaching our children?

From the news channels and newspapers it would seem that we are teaching them that it is ok to be racist, bigoted, hateful, intolerant and antisocial. Scenes of war and terrorism and violence of every kind from all over the world beamed directly into our living rooms and into our kids heads. From listening to the kids as they play in our street it would seem we are teaching them to swear and curse and not give a flying fig about anyone else or the environment they have to live in. They use words I don't even understand and vandalise the nearby park at every opportunity.

We owe it to the children and to ourselves to teach our kids how to be responsible, respectable citizens. Surely we want to give this nations children every chance to excel in sport or business, social skills and leisure pursuits. And we should remember that one day these kids will be running the country and making decisions about our future.

So let's teach them how to laugh and play, let's teach them about their responsibilities as well as their rights, let's give them a sense of fair play. Let us encourage our kids to be independant but not self centred, aware of their own worth and the value in others, let's make our nations children a legacy and gift to the world.

Thursday, 23 September 2004

Where is God?

This is a question I hear in one form or another whenever something bad happens. 'Where was God in Beslan?', 'Where was God on 9/11?' And then there is that age old variation 'If there was a God/if God cared why does he allow these things to happen?'.

These are big questions and I have to admit I don't have any big answers. Just a deep and abiding conviction that God can be found in the darkest corners of this world through the suffering of Jesus Christ.

I carry with me the child I used to be. The misused and abused child for whom life promised so little. She use to ask 'where is God in this' until one day God showed her. He was with her, hanging on his cross, blood and sweat running down his face.

God is with us in the bleak times, in the spark of humanity that kicks against the darkness. God is with us.

Monday, 20 September 2004


The real live preacher is having a rough time at the moment. He has written a book that is about to be published and he is somewhat jittery about it.

The real live preacher, I think I've mentioned this before, is a baptist Minister in the States. He has quite a substantial blog that covers a range of subjects. His writing style is beautifully sensitive and very rich. This guy has a big heart and is very genuine. His blog posts have made me smile and laugh out loud. They have also made me cry and thump the desk in anger. His writing comes from the heart and is never self-seeking.

Drop in on him from time to time - I'm sure he'll be delighted to 'see' you!


The children of Lesotho

I thought I had heard and seen the worst that could be done to a child. I thought that humanitys' capacity to inflict hurt on a child could only go so far. I was wrong, I was so wrong.

I watched the Prince Harry documentary of his time in Lesotho last night and was horrified and shaken to the core of my soul. Harry tenderly cradled a ten month old little girl who had been raped by at least two men. Yes, raped. This child had been so brutally violated that her womb was so badly damaged it had to be removed. This child had not uttered a sound for months afterwards and was only now beginning to smile at her main carer. This child, this baby, had eyes that were painful to look into. She carries the truth of her violation in her eyes.

The medicine men of Lesotho tell men with aids that they can be cured if they have sex with a young girl - the younger the better. What mindset do you have to have to hurt a child so badly in order to save yourself? It is tempting to call these men animals or monsters but the saddest thing is that they are human. These are men so desperate that they will commit these acts to 'cure' themselves of a deadly disease. The tragedy for them, the little girs they rape and all of humanity is that it is a lie, an untruth. And even if it were true could the rape of babies ever be justified. I think not.

Pray for the Children of Lesotho, pray, act, give and don't ever forget.

Friday, 17 September 2004

Prince Harry

The papers this morning are full of news about the young Princes' first TV interview. Apparently he is out in Lesotho visiting orphanages and wants to continue the charitable work begun by his mother. Some of the media are suggesting that this is an attempt by the palace PR firm to rebrand Harry from hellraiser to fundraiser.

I don't see it myself. Just because he is a Prince it surely doesn't mean he isn't entitled to some of the excesse of youth, does it? Didn't we all as teenagers get a bit drunk, acted a bit loud and loutish. Didn't we make a fool of ourselves on occassion before we grew up, settled down and took on the responsibilities of adulthood?

I can certaintly remember doing stuff I wish I hadn't but for the most part it was all harmless fun. Give Harry a break - if he is ready to take on the mantle and burden of being a grown up Royal then let him, if not then equally give him space to be a youngster, childhood is all too fleeting.

Palace Security

Is it just me or has the world gone nuts. So a man dressed as batman was able to get on the famous palace balcony and stick up a banner and this is a threat to national security because....?

The simple fact is that at no point was the security and safety of any royal personage in any danger. They weren't in the building - some of them weren't even in the country. The security system worked! Seriously - it did!

Originally there was two of them - one was dressed as Robin - but the alarms were tripped and the second man was caught and arrested. From the moment 'batman' scaled the wall he will have had at least one rifle pointed at his head. The marksmen assessed the risk and decided not to put a bullet through his head. The internal security shutters were activated preventing him from actually getting into the palace. What is wrong with that? I can imagine the headlines if they had just shot him - "Father of two shot dead while staging peaceful protest at palace" or such like.

Let's have some perspective here - had the man at any time have been judged to be a threat to the security of the Royal family he would not have survived to sell, sorry tell his story.

Tuesday, 14 September 2004

Visitng the in-laws

I have just returned home from visiting my in-laws. I am very glad to be home. Don't get me wrong - I think my in-laws are lovely people but they are hard work! Things started out ok - on Friday we (that's Mr Blog and I) along with Mr Blogs brother were invited to a graduation ceremony where father-in-law was receiving an honorary fellowship from a prestigous University of London college. It was a great event and we all had a lovely time. On Saturday there was a lunch at the RAF club to celebrate my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. Again it was a great event.

I guess the problem is that parents always think they know best even when their child is all grown up, married an with a child of their own. I feel like I am being lectured constantly about how I should look after Mr Blog and Blog Jnr. I feel like I am always missing the performance target they have set for me and that they really don't approve. I am beginning to think that perhaps next time I will stay at home and my husband can take our son to visit on his own. We will have to wait and see.

Monday, 6 September 2004


I sat watching BBC News 24 as the storming of the school in Baslan played out on my TV screen. I watched as children were shot at as they tried to escape and I watched as parents and relatives surveyed the damaged gymnasium and hurriedly put together lists of the dead and injured. I saw the turmoil, the anger, the grief.

What is it that turns human against human? What kind of person can dehumanise children so totally that they can be used as tools and a means to an end? What does a person have to have suffered to see the killing of children as a legitimate target to promote their cause?

The hostage-takers are wrong to have used these innocent children, to have destroyed lives and families and communities but what about the communities that they themselves come from. If we call them monsters or similar we dehumanise them and fail to see the suffering that they have endured in their lives. We will fail to see the families and communities of other innocents torn apart by war and conflict.

The Chechens want justice and freedom from the Russian government and have been denied both. The hostage-takers were fighting for a cause they believe in and they were wrong to kill in this way but we dehumanise them at our peril. Understanding doesn't mean letting them off nor does it in any way minimise the horror and enormity of what they did. It does allow us to see the humanity of the situation and realise that there but for the grace of God go you or I.

Wednesday, 1 September 2004


Why have I been sneezing for weeks? I don't know but its's making me feel kinda tired. A couple of weeks ago, before the sneezing began, I went to the doctor because of feeling tired and she recommended some blood tests so off I went to get them. It took three attempts to get any blood - one in each arm and finally the back of my hand. I still have a very large bruise on my hand over a week later. Instead of getting my results at the beginning of the week I got a letter asking me to go and have some further bloods taken and when I got there they booked me a double appointment to see the doctor next week.

So far I have been given no information or indication as to what the problem is. I can only assume that since the doctor wants to see me after she gets back from holiday that it is not serious. I can only assume that if it were serious action would be taken sooner but I can't help worrying a little since something must be wrong or the doctor wouldn't need to see me at all......

It made me wonder about the nature of faith. We put our faith in the medical profession - we trust them to know what they are doing. We make assumptions based on common sense and a little hope. We hope the doctor knows what she is doing - we assume that things must be ok or they would have told us. Faith in a supreme being - God - strikes me as being at least similar. We base it on common sense and a little hope. We have some previous experience on which to base a common sense conclusion and then we hope that we ae on the right path.

Those without faith often ask 'how can you be sure that God reallly exists?' and that's really the whole point - we can't be sure - not completely. If we knew for sure than faith would be unnecessary and pointless. Faith is the stuff that bridges the gap between belief and knowledge. Faith is the leap you make when you have analysed and examined every piece of evidence and found that it doesn't quite add up to a whole.

Like trusting the doctor, sooner or later we have to admit that our own knowledge and commonsense will only get us so far before we have to let go and trust in something we don't quite understand.